As it turns out, I am a terrible homosexual. If I just look back at the last four girls I have dated, three of them are now married to men. If I go back even further, the ratio doesn’t change a whole lot. My odds aren’t very good and for someone who says I would like to have a wife and kids someday, I certainly don’t make the appropriate relationship decisions. Engaged? No problem! Nineteen years old and never been with a girl before? Sounds perfect! (as long as youre blonde, blue-eyed, and have a smokin’ hot body). I have finally decided there is probably something wrong with me.
I have a few theories. Number one, I don’t typically find myself attracted to other lesbians. I like girly girls. I mean, super hot, cleavage and high heels, make-up, the works…those are my kind of girls. And to be perfectly clear, those are the kind of girls that seem to like me. The curious straight girl loves me. But apparently doesn’t really love me. Unforunately, I love them…way too much.
Okay, so given the above, how long should it take to figure that out…maybe one or two girls? The bigger issue at play seems to be grounded in the fact that I can’t learn my lesson. Not just about girls, but also in day-to-day life. Like a kid who touches the hot stove and gets burned, but reaches out to touch it again after the wound has healed. Its as though I forget or don’t care that what the consequences are for certain actions or choices. It creates madness. I could make the same wrong turn everyday hoping it will eventually lead to a short cut. For someone who is relatively smart and well educated, I seem to completely lack any common sense.
Lastly, I sometimes consider the possibility that I have some sort of inflated sense of self. Not to say that I am self-absorbed or vain, but I definitely recognize the part of me that thinks, “Why wouldn’t she want to be with me? I am kind of a catch!” Even if that were the case, and if you took a poll and the results showed that the majority agrees I am a catch or a good mate, that doesn’t make a girl who is questioning or never been in a lesbian relationship turn her dial to the gay side. Instead, I find it leads to her feeling stuck, confused, upset, frustrated, and hurt; ultimately choosing the safe path that is well-traveled. Not the homo road filled with fear of being different and intersections that force you to shatter childhood dreams of getting married to Prince Charming in your white dress and have two perfect kids and a picket fence. For those girls, the heterosexual ideals are paramount in choosing their path even when there are real feelings involved and a genuine struggle with self-identity.
So, in the meantime, while I wait for the mythical hot lesbian who is everything I have ever wanted…or perhaps my next opportunity for misery, I have decided to try to focus my energy on other things. If I gave up girls, I would have more time, money and energy for all the other things I want to accomplish in life. Without a hot, unavailable straight girl sucking the life out of me, I could finish my basement, start training for a spring marathon PR, read, draw, teach my dog new tricks (or a trick), do my own taxes, learn to cook, and call my parents more often. In 2010, I will give up the straight girls and start doing more Yoga. Its only January….let’s see how this goes.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment